I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
