I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
