I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
