i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
