My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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