EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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