So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
