We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
