What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
