I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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