8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
