My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
