he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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