i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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