If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
