just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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