I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
