first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
