as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
