Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
