i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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