i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Randomize
