what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
