i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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