i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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