If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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