Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
