Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
