hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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