I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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