Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
