you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
