You work out of a Hotel?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
