I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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