But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
