True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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