I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
