I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
