I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
