I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
