Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
