you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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