the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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