Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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