I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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