just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
