My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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