it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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