You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
