I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
