I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
