do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
